Regina's Rants

As the bromance between FIFA’s president Gianni Infantino and president Donald Trump deepens with mutual respect and admiration, the rest of us hurtle towards the Football  World Cup 2026.  In May, I posted The Golden Phallus of Football:  A Tale of Trophies, Triumphs and Turmoil. Now I rant about updates on that entry and more.

So far 42 countries have qualified for the World Cup 2026, to be co-hosted by Canada, Mexico, and the United States. The acronyms below were created by FIFA to make life easier for them; I placed in parenthesis what it really means: 

• AFC (Asia):  Australia, Iran, Japan,  Jordan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia,  Korea Republic, Uzbekistan
• CAF (Africa):  Algeria, Cape Verde, Côte d’Ivoire, Egypt, Ghana, Morocco, Senegal, South Africa, Tunisia
• CONCACAF (North and Central America, and the Caribbean):   The Three Co-hosts, Curaçao, Haiti, Panama
• CONMEBOL (South America):  Argentina, ***BRAZIL***, Colombia, Ecuador, Paraguay,  Urugua
• OFC (Oceania):  New Zealand
• UEFA (Europe):  Austria, Belgium, Croatia, England, France, Germany, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Scotland, Spain, Switzerland

Now we’re missing only 6 countries for the fun to start.

Keep your ears and eyes open on December 5, when a doubly important event will happen.  First, FIFA will do the big group draw, when we’ll learn who will play against whom, who will fight to the last shin guard in the dreaded group of death, the one with the strongest teams, or which weak country team will struggle to the last player kicking.  Second, on that same event, FIFA, will deliver its first and very own, utterly beautifully inspired,  FIFA Peace Prize – Football Unites the World. Gianni, in his enlightened and lucid prose, announced that the prize will “recognize exceptional actions for peace and unity.”  The group draw of the World Cup 2026, and the trophy award will happen during a ceremony at the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts, known to all as the Kennedy Center, Washington, DC.    

Now, that is the same Kennedy Center which, a few months ago, Donald Trump decided to rename as the Donald J. Trump Center for the Performing Arts, and its Opera House would become the First Lady Melania Trump Opera House to acknowledge the First Lady’s exceptional, unstinting support for the Arts.  Please don’t laugh, these are very serious times.

Supporting the renaming operation, a Republican representative from Missouri introduced a bill to change the Kennedy’s Center’s name to Trump’s.  That was not all.  To ease the fading of the Kennedy name and all it represents, Trump dismantled the Center’s board and made himself its chair with one swoop of the pen.  Uff!

On this subject, Jack Schlossberg, John F. Kennedy’s grandson, said, “The Trump administration stands for freedom of oppression, not expression.”   I do wonder where Schlossberg got that idea from.

So far the FIFA Peace Trophy is represented by a big blue poster with a dysmorphic pink heart.  The trophy itself, in its current incarnation, cannot be found anywhere. Or maybe, as Gianni is Swiss-Italian, he has followed Italian football trophy tradition, and has hidden it in a shoebox under his bed. The least FIFA could do, if they were a little bit more ambitious, was to reveal the trophy and its original history.  Was there an open competition for artists and designers?  If so, who won the competition?  What’s the trophy made of, surely it’s not solid gold, is it? What’s its weight? What renowned foundry cast it?  Will FIFA bestow on the Peace Trophy the myths of older trophies and perpetuate tawdry stories? 

The thing is, Gianni could have milked the trophy story and gotten full pages and pixels in newspapers and social media.  No.  He’s being very modest. But it all seems to be coming from and going to a very dark place in the footballing universe.

Another item that must have arisen straight from the Gianni-Trump bromance is the awe-inspiring and magnificent fact that Trump’s daughter, the beauteous and no less diligent Ivanka has been given at job at FIFA. It’s unclear what Ivanka will do as part of FIFA’s Board of Educational and Social Responsibility Fund which is worth only US$ 100 million.  I mean, it makes total sense, right? She lives in the United States, FIFA is in Switzerland. Oh, wait. I think bank vaults. Or, it’s just a thought, imagine Ivanka on skis, sliding down slopes of money! All that money coming for the reconstruction of Gaza as a pleasure paradise, which Ivanka’s husband can magically trick out of eager donors’ Swiss bank accounts. Seriously, I do believe, from the bottom of my heart, that Ivanka owns the highest, most pristine, and gold-sprinkled educational and social responsibility qualifications, something she inherited from her dear daddy, that treasured world leader, The Most Leaderest of Them All. You just cannot fake her pedigree.

I suppose the money for the  Educational and Social Responsibility Fund will come in part from the sale of tickets for the World Cup.   The number of US$60 tickets Gianni touted for all is so miniscule that it sounds like fairy dust, they do not yield much commission to FIFA.  But observe the tickets that sell at FIFA website for the original price of US$2,030.00 each. A punter managed to buy one; he listed it at the same FIFA website the next day for US$25,000.00.  FIFA gets 15% commission on each ticket sold in its website (whether first- or second-hand), so the august FIFA is complicit in benefitting from price gouging while it advertises football for all, which is a brilliant strategy, a win-win situation.  Sounds like a strategy The Most Leaderest of Them All would partake.

Of course FIFA needs all the help it can get. Its revenue in 2024 reached only US$5.77 billion.  

It’s Just a Small Armed Conflict or Two

I have not heard anything about the United States invading Canada, the other co-host country. Also, The Most Leaderest of Them All has not mentioned some other 190 countries, so it can be said that he’s complicit with peace in the vast majority of countries of the world. Maybe some countries have not yet raised his very rational wrath to deflect our attention from very unfair, woke accusations. But I don’t rule anything out: there’s still time and we all know that he is bubbling with capital ideas.

Football fans planning to attend the World Cup 2026 in Mexico face a tiny logistic problem, though.  The Most Leaderest of Them All  has promised to invade Mexico, another co-host of the World Cup, by sending his troops to hunt drug cartel members in situ.  Rejoice football fans!  You’ll get to be in a human safari for free! You might find yourselves in the midst of the most beautiful armed conflict of all. Olé!  

Perhaps what could happen in Mexico is not much compared to what The Most Leaderest of Them All seems to be planning for Venezuela, a country sizzling atop the largest proven oil reserves in the world. Never mind that Venezuela became a sister-country when she qualified for the World Cup. He has already vented about a beautiful plan with swarms of missiles that could eradicate all drug lords from the face of the earth. If only they were in Venezuela.

While some foreign countries occupy The Most Leaderest of Them All’s mind rent free (which is most unusual), he has not forgotten the Fatherland. Showing his readiness to lead from every corner and in every situation, he has intimated that he’d change match venues in America “at the first sign of trouble.” Trouble is defined as a Democratic town or city. He has pointed out, with great wisdom, with the single objective of maintaining a united, peaceful, and kind country, the challenging cities of Seattle in Washington state (with six matches), Boston in Massachusetts (seven matches), and Los Angeles in California (eight matches).

In that light, Gianni, turned the star that lost its shine because he faces a much bigger and greater star. For a few moments, he wobbled in his belief on the bromance. But in the end he agreed with the bigger star’s safety concerns and change of venues, and all was well again. Gianni and most of the world have devoured everything The Most Leaderest of Them All has barfed, which is, of course of the highest quality and intelligence.

FIFA should issue a warning to World Cup attendees from all sides to take heart and take tents and camping equipment, for they might have to slum it when they least expect. That’s how the game is played in the land of the free.

Fans! All’s not lost. Before you head out to the great unknown of the World Cup 2026, rejoice! One of the great mysteries of our civilisation will be unveiled on December 5.  Who-who-who do you think is the most honourable and deserving person to win the prestigious, if mysterious, trophy?  

Is There a Future for their Bromance?

The bromance that seemed perfervid six months ago now looks deflated like an old football forgotten in the garage. Main proof: The Most Leaderest of Them All still has difficulty pronouncing Gianni’s name correctly. Now Gianni must make up for real or imagined own goals. Unfortunately, Poor Gianni cannot match another exclusive (only one in the world!) gold desk Rolex, or the one kilogram bar of pure gold engraved with 45-47 gifted to The Most Leaderest of All by Swiss executives. But he has noticed that The Most Leaderest of Them All did not win his most yearned for 2025 Nobel Peace Prize (That Nobel Peace Prize Malarkey, blog entry), so he will take advantage of his position. Gianni has a Peace Trophy to offer. He knows the trophy needs to be big, very big, and golden, very golden, to save the bromance.

On the other hand, Gianni has also an influential, principled vision, and he insists the prize will be awarded “on behalf of all football-loving people from around the world,” who, I’m sure, have not voted for it. Count me off! Not in my name!

Perhaps a bromance makes you blind. It’s like putting golden lipstick on a pig. At the end of the day, it’s still a pig. And pigs don’t look good in golden lipstick.

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Music of the Rant

Mariachi Chavez — Presenting Mexican folk song El Cascabel (The Bell, translation here), in a very different interpretation from what you’d find in a Mexican restaurant. You Tube/Bing Videos

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21 Nov 25 – I have made a few tweaks in the text for clarity.